It's time for healing.
Time to move on.
It's time to fix what's been broken too long.

Today's preach in church was about disappointment and pain and sorrow. I have to admit, it hit me hard. I realised how much hurt I've been carrying around. I forgave a friend the otter day for, basically, being a bit rubbish as a friend. But since Friday I've been angry and hurt all over again. I couldn't work out why until today.
I have had very few males friends in my life who I've really opened my heart to and trusted with a lot of stuff I don't just go around telling everyone. And all of them have let me down. Badly. One talked to me again after sooo long on Friday and all the hurt just erupted again. That's why I unforgave the other. All the hurt and disappointment with male friends just came back with a vengeance.
I pray that this hurt will be healed. Because I want close male friends. But I want friends that won't make me hurt this much. I'm worried that im starting to doubt that they exist.

Whatever you're doing inside of me. It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace. And though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see, I'm giving in to something heavenly.

Time to face up, clean this old house. Time to breathe in and let everything out, that I've wanted to say for so many years. Time to release all my held back tears.

Whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but I believe you're up to something bigger than me. Larger than life. Something heavenly.

Actions speak louder than words

It means nothing to say of course you still want to be friends if you don't make any effort to show it
It means nothing to call me a friend if the only time you'll bother to meet up is as a short stop on the way to London to see your girlfriend
It means nothing to say you'll find a time if I've been trying to give you your damn book back for a year. Again.
It means nothing to say you didn't mean to make me feel like this if you keep doing it

It means nothing to say sorry if you don't change anything.



I don't want to be here again.

It's hard to know where you're going when you don't know where to start
But that's just life
And that's the hardest part.

I want more than just ok, more than just ok.


More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine. More than just ok.