My New (Academic) Year's Resolution

Well my last post is a little embarrassing. That's the danger of combining a bad mood and a blog I guess. Never mind. Just for the record, I have not even started attempting to learn the guitar. However, there is one sitting in the living room of my house in Brighton, so maybe I can convince a housemate to teach me...hmm.

Y'anyway, the point of today's blog is to inform you, oh cyberspace, of a pretty crazy decision I made the other day. I decided that for this academic year I am giving up boyfriends. Well, technically, since I've never had a boyfriend, I'm giving up the potential of a boyfriend. Which is quite a radical step for me. But that's kinda the point of it. I feel like I spend too much of my life worrying about the fact that boys just aren't interested in me. I know it's a huge area of my life that I'm just not trusting God with. I don't want to just wait for Him to sort it, if that is what is intended for me, because I panic that no-one will ever love me. (Which, by the way, is ridiculous because I have a LOT of love in my life. I don't need a boyfriend to make me feel worthwhile. But there you go, too much of a Disneyfied view of love I guess.) BUT every time I've tried to do something myself, it has ended horribly and I am always left thinking, why do I do this to myself?! So I am not going to do it any more. I am going to take this year to learn to trust God and to try and make Him my source of identity and security and sense of worth instead of boys. Let's be honest, boys, bless them, are really kind of rubbish at filling that. Probably because they're not meant to.

I hope the knowledge that any friendship with a boy isn't going to go any further will free me a bit from focusing too much of my life on their opinions. Also, it might make such friendships easier and less complicated if people know that everything is intended merely as friends. We'll see. It's going to be hard, that's for sure, but it's definitely going to be worth the effort.